The past week and a half was tough. It was a trying time as we hit a growth spurt and wonder week simultaneously at 12 weeks. I had a baby who was fussy, clingy, cranky and restless. Her sleep routine went for a six. She started waking up in the middle of the night for feeds (we still haven’t recovered from that one) and she rejected my breast often. It was a struggle to remain calm and positive.
Things were going so well. She was an angel who slept through the night before this happened and breastfeeding was going swimmingly. But at three months, I felt like we were back at square one.
Today seems better though; yesterday wasn’t too bad either. I think it’s coming to an end. FINALLY.
My husband is working weird hours this month and is not home at night and most of the day. I was at breaking point some days. I cried when she rejected my breast because I was so worried she will be hungry and I felt shattered when she woke up in the night (what happened to all those weeks of sleep training!) I am still hoping she will sleep through the night once again, but at least she won’t stay up crying now – she will feed and promptly go back to sleep.
I carried her for hours because she refused to be kept down and I held her the whole night even as she slept so that she felt safe and secure. I have pins and needles on both my arms most times and I think I’m getting my carpal tunnel back.
But after this unusually difficult period, I see a huge change in her. She laughs out loud more often now. Her movements seem smoother. She has gotten much better at hand eye coordination. She can keep herself occupied for a few minutes longer now and she responses more eagerly and with better facial and vocal expressions when you speak or play with her, than before.
I know this is crazy but I now feel that it was all worth it. It was very, very hard to go through, but I feel like it was all somehow worth it. Because now I see how much she has grown, having passed that stage of development. She keeps developing new skills and mastering old ones and it’s truly an amazing thing.
I’m happy that I’m able to take care of her and to help her through it all. I’m happy I get to be there for her and that I get to be her mom…